Hello readers.
Please note that effective immediately, my new Horndawg Productions blogsite is as follows:
blog.horndawgproductions.com.
I'm afraid I've had to make the jump from a free site to a pay site simply because I have more control over content as well as more opportunity to create some revenue this way.
I hope you will visit and subscribe.
As always, thanks for reading!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Boner Guide Reivew Link
One of the really cool, and positive, things that came out of my 6-week stay in NYC helping my mom through her health issues, was my resolve to do something with myself. You see, after 45 years I've grown quite tired of dreaming and hoping and thinking about the "what ifs" and "if onlys". You know what? Dreaming and hoping is nice. Thinking about the "what ifs" or even the "if onlys" is also nice; from to time.
And just as I've realized that the one most holding me back was me, I've also come to believe that no one, except me, is going to help me accomplish anything, unless I start doing something about it.
I went out and bought myself one of those small, thick and chunky, Mead spiral notebooks and a special pen. In it, with my special pen, I write down ideas. I write down things I want to do, things I need to do. I write down websites I want to explore that will help me accomplish my goals. I write down suggestions, brief concepts, marketing plans.
I have prioritized and reprioritized. I have deleted some items, some which were never worth pursuing, some which were completed. And sometimes, for every one I completed, another a few items cropped up.
And I carry them with me almost every where I go.
Now normally, I'm into the "special items" like talismans and icons and other stuff like that to make things happen; but I believe in the mystique behind them and the superstitious habits and rituals that are a part of the process.
One of the things on my list was to look through Craig's List under Writing Gigs.
That's how I found www.bonerguide.com.
Since the time that I first contacted them, and now, I have written three reviews (and gotten paid for them, too!) My first review, is here: http://bonerguide.com/reviews/pages/Detailed/31729.html. Be sure and let me now what you think of the review. I'll keep everyone posted as other's come up.
Working for Boner Guide has been a lot of fun. Imagine getting paid to put words together, give your opinion on a website, and view porn! Pretty cool by my standards. It's not all been fun and games, however. It's been a learning experience, too. For instance, the Safari browser that comes with Macs, isn't always the most reliable or even the most productive when it comes to being on the net.
Also: did you know that if your microprocessor is too slow, you won't be able to stream movies properly? Who knew?
And just as I've realized that the one most holding me back was me, I've also come to believe that no one, except me, is going to help me accomplish anything, unless I start doing something about it.
I went out and bought myself one of those small, thick and chunky, Mead spiral notebooks and a special pen. In it, with my special pen, I write down ideas. I write down things I want to do, things I need to do. I write down websites I want to explore that will help me accomplish my goals. I write down suggestions, brief concepts, marketing plans.
I have prioritized and reprioritized. I have deleted some items, some which were never worth pursuing, some which were completed. And sometimes, for every one I completed, another a few items cropped up.
And I carry them with me almost every where I go.
Now normally, I'm into the "special items" like talismans and icons and other stuff like that to make things happen; but I believe in the mystique behind them and the superstitious habits and rituals that are a part of the process.
One of the things on my list was to look through Craig's List under Writing Gigs.
That's how I found www.bonerguide.com.
Since the time that I first contacted them, and now, I have written three reviews (and gotten paid for them, too!) My first review, is here: http://bonerguide.com/reviews/pages/Detailed/31729.html. Be sure and let me now what you think of the review. I'll keep everyone posted as other's come up.
Working for Boner Guide has been a lot of fun. Imagine getting paid to put words together, give your opinion on a website, and view porn! Pretty cool by my standards. It's not all been fun and games, however. It's been a learning experience, too. For instance, the Safari browser that comes with Macs, isn't always the most reliable or even the most productive when it comes to being on the net.
Also: did you know that if your microprocessor is too slow, you won't be able to stream movies properly? Who knew?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Still Stunned
I still can't believe I have one. I'm so stunned and surprised to have it that I can't stop playing with it. I touch it. I rub it. I get turned on by it.
No. I'm not talking about my dick; though I touch, rub and get turned on by having a cock practically every day.
I'm talking about my book. Here it is one week after putting it all together and I have 2, count 'em TWO sales! And one of them was the proof that I purchased myself to see the finished product.
So what? I can hear you say. Yeah. So what. No big deal really. And it isn't, truly. At least, not in the scheme of things. It's not like it's going to be a Stephen King bestseller. There won't be any midnight sales for me the way there were for J.K. Rowling. And no one's going to come after me offering me money to make the movie version of one of my stories.
And yet, I'm so pleased. So very proud. You see, this is the first time I've actually finished a project. And that, for me, is a big deal. A TRULY big deal. I started something. I stuck through it. I saw it through to the end. And now I'm looking for ways to continue to promote and push it out there.
I even sprang for the $100 to buy my very own ISBN!!! That means that very soon my book will be available for purchase on Amazon, as well as from your local Barnes & Noble, Borders, or whatever Mom & Pop Shop you buy your books from.
I may not have climbed Mount Everest or flown to Paris and gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower but, I finished SOMETHING!
And that makes me feel good.
Remember, if you want to buy a copy of my book, "A Stroke At Midnight" just click on the button to the left of this blog. And be sure to review it!
And now for my next trick . . . more writing coming soon, video edits continued and the fun just never stops.
As always, thanks for reading.
No. I'm not talking about my dick; though I touch, rub and get turned on by having a cock practically every day.
I'm talking about my book. Here it is one week after putting it all together and I have 2, count 'em TWO sales! And one of them was the proof that I purchased myself to see the finished product.
So what? I can hear you say. Yeah. So what. No big deal really. And it isn't, truly. At least, not in the scheme of things. It's not like it's going to be a Stephen King bestseller. There won't be any midnight sales for me the way there were for J.K. Rowling. And no one's going to come after me offering me money to make the movie version of one of my stories.
And yet, I'm so pleased. So very proud. You see, this is the first time I've actually finished a project. And that, for me, is a big deal. A TRULY big deal. I started something. I stuck through it. I saw it through to the end. And now I'm looking for ways to continue to promote and push it out there.
I even sprang for the $100 to buy my very own ISBN!!! That means that very soon my book will be available for purchase on Amazon, as well as from your local Barnes & Noble, Borders, or whatever Mom & Pop Shop you buy your books from.
I may not have climbed Mount Everest or flown to Paris and gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower but, I finished SOMETHING!
And that makes me feel good.
Remember, if you want to buy a copy of my book, "A Stroke At Midnight" just click on the button to the left of this blog. And be sure to review it!
And now for my next trick . . . more writing coming soon, video edits continued and the fun just never stops.
As always, thanks for reading.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
What's Black and White and Red All Over?
So . . . what IS black and white and red all over? No. It's not a nun falling down a flight of stairs. It's me!!!!
Uh, but not falling down the stairs, though that has happened before.
I'm finally in print! YAY! So it's official. I'm now a published writer. Out of all the projects I've been working on lately, the first one has finally come to fruition. You see, I've gathered up my courage, pulled my balls together and self-published my very first book!!!!
It may not be a Stephen King thriller or a piece of Jackie Collins tripe; but it's definitely along the same vein . . . of Jackie Collins, that is.
"a stroke at midnight" is a collection of gay, erotic (fancy word for smut!) stories written under the pseudonym of Johnny Miles. Some of you who know me may remember that I used to write under that pen name. Well, guess what? Johnny Miles lives!!!! HE'S ALIVE!!! And yes, the brain is still somewhat abbey something or other.
At any rate, I'd like to invite you to click on the link below. It will take you directly to the page that shows my book. Take a look and see what I've done. It's a print-on-demand book which can be either ordered as an actual book, or as a download.
http://www.lulu.com/content/3854545
If any of you have any questions or comments, you know how to reach me. If any of you who purchase the book wish to review it after reading, I look forward to it! You can even do it online at lulu, or post it here. Just, be gentle. This is my first time. Ahem.
Thanks for checking it out guys! As always, thanks for your support and your comments. And feel free to forward the link to anyone you think might appreciate reading some plain, ordinary, down and dirty porn.
P.S. Makes a great Christmas gift! (nudge, nudge, wink, wink!)
P.S.S. Yes, I'm planning on coming out with another book but that won't be for a while yet as my next biggest push is going to be our first DVD release.
Uh, but not falling down the stairs, though that has happened before.
I'm finally in print! YAY! So it's official. I'm now a published writer. Out of all the projects I've been working on lately, the first one has finally come to fruition. You see, I've gathered up my courage, pulled my balls together and self-published my very first book!!!!
It may not be a Stephen King thriller or a piece of Jackie Collins tripe; but it's definitely along the same vein . . . of Jackie Collins, that is.
"a stroke at midnight" is a collection of gay, erotic (fancy word for smut!) stories written under the pseudonym of Johnny Miles. Some of you who know me may remember that I used to write under that pen name. Well, guess what? Johnny Miles lives!!!! HE'S ALIVE!!! And yes, the brain is still somewhat abbey something or other.
At any rate, I'd like to invite you to click on the link below. It will take you directly to the page that shows my book. Take a look and see what I've done. It's a print-on-demand book which can be either ordered as an actual book, or as a download.
http://www.lulu.com/content/3854545
If any of you have any questions or comments, you know how to reach me. If any of you who purchase the book wish to review it after reading, I look forward to it! You can even do it online at lulu, or post it here. Just, be gentle. This is my first time. Ahem.
Thanks for checking it out guys! As always, thanks for your support and your comments. And feel free to forward the link to anyone you think might appreciate reading some plain, ordinary, down and dirty porn.
P.S. Makes a great Christmas gift! (nudge, nudge, wink, wink!)
P.S.S. Yes, I'm planning on coming out with another book but that won't be for a while yet as my next biggest push is going to be our first DVD release.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
a stroke at midnight: the proof
Today was possibly the longest day of my life. Many murky things abound, many unsettled things. But many good things, too. Many possibilities. Many things started that seem to be gelling and coming together with a certain scary ease.
One of the issues I've been having at work, along with several others, may soon be coming to a head. Whatever the outcome, it's how it's got to be.
But the worst part was that I couldn't think straight. I would have preferred to stay home, in bed, waiting for the post man. No, the post man doesn't always come twice. In fact, around here, he doesn't come at all. At least, not that I'm aware. And certainly not with me; it's a woman for crying out loud!
But it was what the post man would be bringing; the proof of my very first, self-published, Print-On-Demand book, through lulu.com.
When I opened the mail box, there was a largish box just laying there beneath all the other mail, most of which was garbage. Since my partner orders a lot of stuff through ebay, his comics, and so on, I thought, maybe it was something he ordered. The box was way too big for my little book!
But when I pulled the box out and saw who the shipper was, I nearly pissed myself. Lulu!
Shaking, I tore ass down the street to our townhouse, waved quickly at a neighbor who looked like he wanted to stop and talk, and rushed inside.
Once inside I was besieged by three dogs and two cats; all meowing and barking and spinning in circles and clicking their nails on the floor. I thought I would go mad. But I had to take care of them first because our three dogs are demanding bitches. So are the two cats.
When either one of us gets home, there is no relaxing. There is no racing to the bathroom to pee or checking messages, or e-mail or flipping through what came in the post.
So I lifted up the baby gate, let the girls out back and hurried to the kitchen. First the cats, then the girls. By that point, Emma, the oldest pug, was scratching incessantly at the back door. It's really quite annoying at times. It was especially annoying today.
Somehow, the short amount it actually takes from start to finish, seemed to last longer than usual.
Then, finally, they were done eating. I scooted them out the door, locked them out to do their business while I sat down at the kitchen table to do mine.
First I looked at the box, waiting like an idiot. I guess I was savoring the moment. Will it ever be like this again?
I ripped open the box and there, sitting inside, in a protective plastic wrap, was my very first book ever. A red cover, with white lettering.
a stroke
at
midnight
A Collection of Gay Erotic Stories.
I used a pair of tweezers (they were the first thing available to me) to gently tear a gash in the plastic. Then ripped it off and held my book in my hands. My book. It feels so good to say that.
I opened the cover and flipped through each and every single page. I looked at the title page, the copyright page, the page numbers, the type face, the point size, the thickness of the paper, the look of the cover.
And I shook inside.
I was so completely and totally overjoyed that all I could do was simply . . . sit still.
It was one of those things, one of those moments, that was meant for me and me alone, to experience in my mental and physical solitude.
Even now, several hours afterwards, the book is sitting beside me as I write this, like some superstitious amulet. And I simply don't know what to say. I can't seem to put it down. I feel ecstatic, as though there are endless possibilities now!
And yet I'm frightened.
That's right. You read me right.
You see, the process has started. The ball is rolling. The things I wanted to implement so that I could eventually leave my full-time work and do my own thing. Or at the very least, afford some extra time so I could do what I want, to do some legitimate writing . . . well, that time is here. At least the start of it. And I actually still wonder; am I ready? Am I not just ready, but willing, to stop the "Woe is me?" To stop the dreaming and wondering what if? Am I truly ready to live the life of someone who has absolutely no qualm about starting something, having it fail, fall on my ass, then stand up again and shake myself off?
But more importantly, am I ready, and do I have what it takes, to live the life I've always wanted, to try things and actually succeed?
I know that this is not the end all and be all of my life. It's just another stepping stone. Hell, if that was all there was, I might as well just ask whatever is out there to take me tonight and be done with it.
But I know life is about more than just waking up early and getting to work and being a little bee, carrying out someone else's wishes. I know there's more to life than catering to some theatre snob who is an absolute prick (or cunt) and thinks that because they were born into money, a specific religion, ethnic group, or any other kind of privilege, that they deserve, deserve, deserve.
There has to be more to life than just cashing in your paycheck and dreaming of a better life. Right?
I guess I've just been flinging so much shit that I'm now surprised some of it has stuck and it's actually starting to form some sort of picture. I just can't see what it is just yet.
So? What happens next? I've calmed myself down for one. I've also taken a deep breath. And now I will close my eyes and leap into the darkness that lies before me. I just hope there's something there to catch me.
One of the issues I've been having at work, along with several others, may soon be coming to a head. Whatever the outcome, it's how it's got to be.
But the worst part was that I couldn't think straight. I would have preferred to stay home, in bed, waiting for the post man. No, the post man doesn't always come twice. In fact, around here, he doesn't come at all. At least, not that I'm aware. And certainly not with me; it's a woman for crying out loud!
But it was what the post man would be bringing; the proof of my very first, self-published, Print-On-Demand book, through lulu.com.
When I opened the mail box, there was a largish box just laying there beneath all the other mail, most of which was garbage. Since my partner orders a lot of stuff through ebay, his comics, and so on, I thought, maybe it was something he ordered. The box was way too big for my little book!
But when I pulled the box out and saw who the shipper was, I nearly pissed myself. Lulu!
Shaking, I tore ass down the street to our townhouse, waved quickly at a neighbor who looked like he wanted to stop and talk, and rushed inside.
Once inside I was besieged by three dogs and two cats; all meowing and barking and spinning in circles and clicking their nails on the floor. I thought I would go mad. But I had to take care of them first because our three dogs are demanding bitches. So are the two cats.
When either one of us gets home, there is no relaxing. There is no racing to the bathroom to pee or checking messages, or e-mail or flipping through what came in the post.
So I lifted up the baby gate, let the girls out back and hurried to the kitchen. First the cats, then the girls. By that point, Emma, the oldest pug, was scratching incessantly at the back door. It's really quite annoying at times. It was especially annoying today.
Somehow, the short amount it actually takes from start to finish, seemed to last longer than usual.
Then, finally, they were done eating. I scooted them out the door, locked them out to do their business while I sat down at the kitchen table to do mine.
First I looked at the box, waiting like an idiot. I guess I was savoring the moment. Will it ever be like this again?
I ripped open the box and there, sitting inside, in a protective plastic wrap, was my very first book ever. A red cover, with white lettering.
at
midnight
A Collection of Gay Erotic Stories.
I used a pair of tweezers (they were the first thing available to me) to gently tear a gash in the plastic. Then ripped it off and held my book in my hands. My book. It feels so good to say that.
I opened the cover and flipped through each and every single page. I looked at the title page, the copyright page, the page numbers, the type face, the point size, the thickness of the paper, the look of the cover.
And I shook inside.
I was so completely and totally overjoyed that all I could do was simply . . . sit still.
It was one of those things, one of those moments, that was meant for me and me alone, to experience in my mental and physical solitude.
Even now, several hours afterwards, the book is sitting beside me as I write this, like some superstitious amulet. And I simply don't know what to say. I can't seem to put it down. I feel ecstatic, as though there are endless possibilities now!
And yet I'm frightened.
That's right. You read me right.
You see, the process has started. The ball is rolling. The things I wanted to implement so that I could eventually leave my full-time work and do my own thing. Or at the very least, afford some extra time so I could do what I want, to do some legitimate writing . . . well, that time is here. At least the start of it. And I actually still wonder; am I ready? Am I not just ready, but willing, to stop the "Woe is me?" To stop the dreaming and wondering what if? Am I truly ready to live the life of someone who has absolutely no qualm about starting something, having it fail, fall on my ass, then stand up again and shake myself off?
But more importantly, am I ready, and do I have what it takes, to live the life I've always wanted, to try things and actually succeed?
I know that this is not the end all and be all of my life. It's just another stepping stone. Hell, if that was all there was, I might as well just ask whatever is out there to take me tonight and be done with it.
But I know life is about more than just waking up early and getting to work and being a little bee, carrying out someone else's wishes. I know there's more to life than catering to some theatre snob who is an absolute prick (or cunt) and thinks that because they were born into money, a specific religion, ethnic group, or any other kind of privilege, that they deserve, deserve, deserve.
There has to be more to life than just cashing in your paycheck and dreaming of a better life. Right?
I guess I've just been flinging so much shit that I'm now surprised some of it has stuck and it's actually starting to form some sort of picture. I just can't see what it is just yet.
So? What happens next? I've calmed myself down for one. I've also taken a deep breath. And now I will close my eyes and leap into the darkness that lies before me. I just hope there's something there to catch me.
Monday, September 8, 2008
a stroke at midnight
Just checked my e-mail and got a notice from lulu.com that the proof I ordered for my first story collection has shipped from Jacksonville today. With any luck, I should have the book by the end of this week. I can hardly wait! I'm so excited I feel like I could burst!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Busy As A Bee
I've always heard that expression: busy as a bee. And I never understood it. Now, I think I finally do. There's a lot going on in my life and it's not all in one place. I'm zipping and darting around from project to project, the way a bee flys from flower to flower. Except my zipping and darting is more mental.
Mental. That actually makes me chuckle. There are times I feel mental. And I know there have been moments where my partner would probably want to have me locked up.
Many of my friends have called or e-mailed, wondering where I am. With some, if they don't hear from me at least once a week, there must be something wrong. Now, even some of my readers have begun to contact me wanting to know when they can expect the next blog entry. I apologize. I'm SO very sorry for the delay in getting it out there. I apologize, too, to all my friends whom I've put on hold. I owe a lot of e-mails and phone calls! But hopefully this will also serve as some sort of explanation.
I have to admit that it hasn't all been fun and games.
Yes, I've been busy at my day job; but I've also been unmotivated. It happens every year around this time. Fort Lauderdale in August . . . well, it just fucking sucks dried shit off dead bodies. And, yeah. That's meant to be as disgusting as it sounds.
In addition to the heat, though, there've been a few issues at work with which I'm none too happy about. I've wondered, why don't I just open my mouth and say something? Why do I put up with this shit? I won't bore you with the details because it could get a little close. The world is pretty small, you know? The internet makes it even smaller still.
The irony is that all of a sudden, a light went off in my mind. That light brilliantly filled my mind by putting the entire thing into perspective and filling my heart with hope. You see, I realized that the things that have been happening at work, though not easy to deal with, were (and are) making me uncomfortable for a reason; motivation.
Yes, as silly as it may sound, I realize that if said issue (person?) was removed from the equation, I would become complacent and I would ultimately wind up doing nothing with the plans I've started or the dreams I've begun to bring to light. My ambitions would go by the wayside and all that time would have been for naught.
So I've had to stay motivated. I've had to stay focused and keep pushing myself towards what I truly want; freedom from having to work for someone else. To make a living at porn; be it behind the camera, in front of the camera or writing it. Or, if it turns out to be something else, so be it. Just so long as I'm doing my own thing and I'm happy and don't have to report to someone else or justify why I'm doing what I'm doing or when I'm doing it. Know what I mean?
I have to admit that the company I've been working for this past 6 years has been good to me. The pay totally sucks and I'm behind on so many bills, paying the barest minimum. But the people are great (except for the one riding my ass) and I can be myself. They let me work in our New York office for 6 weeks while I helped my mom through some health issues. That's important to me.
Some of the lack of motivation I've felt hasn't all been work related, though. It's been cyclical and it was my partner who pointed it out. It seems every year at this time, just before my birthday, I get a little down and hard on myself; and not in a good way. I guess although I'm comfortable with myself, I'm still not happy with my station in life, or the lack of things I've achieved.
And so, with all of that in mind, with close and special friends who died this year, others who are undergoing very serious health problems, the scare with my mom when they said she had breast cancer, I decided to do something about my lack of accomplishments. I've grown tired of complaining and not doing anything about it.
I wanted to see results!
So when I got back from New York, I went into shooting with earnest. I've been writing reviews of gay porn sites for www.bonerguide.com. And now I'm working on my first erotic novel.
The review have been fun and although I only have about 4 under my belt, I'm getting paid for them. That helps me catch up on my balls and put a bit aside for a new computer. But it also helps keep me motivated.
Aside from the reviews, we've been editing our first DVD release, "Stray Dawgz." The first 3 segments are done and we have two more to complete. That should be done over the next week or two and then I'll get the master copy to the distributor, AMVC. I don't know how long it will take from there but the first release for Horndawg Productions will be out soon after.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can hardly contain myself!
One of the things that has made matters difficult for me has been time. If I'm not editing, like Trekkie Monster from Avenue Q, I'm surfing the internet for porn. And there's always been that part of me that's like, "You're wasting time! What the fuck are you doing?"
So I feel bad about wasting time which leads me to escape by surfing the internet for even more porn and it just compounds itself. I wind up not doing what I originally set out to do and the amount of time spent in front of the computer surfing for porn, downloading dirty pictures, chatting in rooms or communicating with the on-line friends I've made on sites such as bnskin, dudesnude, barebackrt, daddyhunt, and sometimes adam4adam, just makes me feel like shit. A big fucking loser.
Then, when I'm not on any of those sites, I'm on Yahoo chat talking dirty to the internet acquaintances I've made or just shooting the breeze.
With the realization that I'm running out of time, I was hitting critical mass point. I've been getting real down and hard on myself. And not in a good way.
Until jmgarcia on Dudes Nude.
This little guy is a hot latin beauty with an upbeat profile and what sounds like such a great personality to match. I couldn't help checking out his pics. Of course, it helped that he looked like I wanted him to be the very fruit of my loins. He's an intelligent young man and the one thing that got to me the most from his profile . . . you'll laugh, but it's true . . . is that at the age of 22, he is publishing his very first book!
Normally, when I read something like that, the green monster of envy rears it's ugly head. But I couldn't help myself this time. I was so pleased and so very happy for him that I sent him a note telling him how excited I was. Surprisingly, I got one back. I say surprising because not many hot, cute 22-year-olds reply so positively, or with nothing more than a "Thanks, pops."
This guy not only took the time to say thanks but was so enamored by the stroke to his ego that he went into a bit of detail! Telling me the name of the book, the release date, as well as how he is publishing it.
His book is called, "Tales of a Harlequin Boy." It is set to be released on 9/15/08 and is published under the name of Jose M Garcia.
I am so pleased and so proud of him. And I don't even know him or want anything from him! Well, okay. Maybe that part's not true. If he gave me a kiss I'd be happy. If he gave me a kiss AND a hug I'd be even happier still. If he game a kiss, a hug and pressed his hard little body up against mine, I'd probably come on the spot!
But I digress.
Seriously, though. As a result of stumbling across him, I started to think that maybe I wasn't exactly wasting as much time as I thought. I mean, I'm probably justifying the amount of time I spend on the internet, but, if I hadn't been surfing as I normally do, I wouldn't have seen his pic. If I hadn't seen his pic I wouldn't have clicked on it. If I hadn't clicked on his, I wouldn't have read his profile. And if I hadn't read his profile, I wouldn't have sent him the e-mail I did.
And I would not have found out about lulu.com.
The seeds of things, hell, the very GERM of thoughts I used to have came back to life quicker than you can say Frederick Frankenstein.
Following the exploration of lulu.com, except for a full work week, I devoted all my time, all of my focus and all of my energy on a project. Including one full, 3-day Labor Day weekend ignoring my partner, I probably spent a week putting together a collection of 7, gay, erotic stories. The book is called "a stroke at midnight," and I am now awaiting the very first copy to peruse and decide if I like the look of it or not. If I like it, then I will let everyone know. I will also post it here so that any of my readers who wish to buy it can simply click on the link and purchase the book.
For any of you out there who wish to be alerted as to when the book will be ready, let me know and I will put you on a mailing list. If you would rather wait, that's fine, too. I'll be posting the link here.
For any of you who are also writers and have wondered about self-publishing, you might want to check out the site: www.lulu.com.
You'll find out all you need to know about self-publishing, how they do it, how much it will cost you, and about P.O.D. (print-on-demand). It's absolutely incredible and I just know the next few months are going to be a whirlwind of activity and exciting new ventures!
Oh, yeah . . . I've also been e-baying the crap out of the CDs I no longer want to keep.
Stay tuned! And as always, thanks for reading.
Mental. That actually makes me chuckle. There are times I feel mental. And I know there have been moments where my partner would probably want to have me locked up.
Many of my friends have called or e-mailed, wondering where I am. With some, if they don't hear from me at least once a week, there must be something wrong. Now, even some of my readers have begun to contact me wanting to know when they can expect the next blog entry. I apologize. I'm SO very sorry for the delay in getting it out there. I apologize, too, to all my friends whom I've put on hold. I owe a lot of e-mails and phone calls! But hopefully this will also serve as some sort of explanation.
I have to admit that it hasn't all been fun and games.
Yes, I've been busy at my day job; but I've also been unmotivated. It happens every year around this time. Fort Lauderdale in August . . . well, it just fucking sucks dried shit off dead bodies. And, yeah. That's meant to be as disgusting as it sounds.
In addition to the heat, though, there've been a few issues at work with which I'm none too happy about. I've wondered, why don't I just open my mouth and say something? Why do I put up with this shit? I won't bore you with the details because it could get a little close. The world is pretty small, you know? The internet makes it even smaller still.
The irony is that all of a sudden, a light went off in my mind. That light brilliantly filled my mind by putting the entire thing into perspective and filling my heart with hope. You see, I realized that the things that have been happening at work, though not easy to deal with, were (and are) making me uncomfortable for a reason; motivation.
Yes, as silly as it may sound, I realize that if said issue (person?) was removed from the equation, I would become complacent and I would ultimately wind up doing nothing with the plans I've started or the dreams I've begun to bring to light. My ambitions would go by the wayside and all that time would have been for naught.
So I've had to stay motivated. I've had to stay focused and keep pushing myself towards what I truly want; freedom from having to work for someone else. To make a living at porn; be it behind the camera, in front of the camera or writing it. Or, if it turns out to be something else, so be it. Just so long as I'm doing my own thing and I'm happy and don't have to report to someone else or justify why I'm doing what I'm doing or when I'm doing it. Know what I mean?
I have to admit that the company I've been working for this past 6 years has been good to me. The pay totally sucks and I'm behind on so many bills, paying the barest minimum. But the people are great (except for the one riding my ass) and I can be myself. They let me work in our New York office for 6 weeks while I helped my mom through some health issues. That's important to me.
Some of the lack of motivation I've felt hasn't all been work related, though. It's been cyclical and it was my partner who pointed it out. It seems every year at this time, just before my birthday, I get a little down and hard on myself; and not in a good way. I guess although I'm comfortable with myself, I'm still not happy with my station in life, or the lack of things I've achieved.
And so, with all of that in mind, with close and special friends who died this year, others who are undergoing very serious health problems, the scare with my mom when they said she had breast cancer, I decided to do something about my lack of accomplishments. I've grown tired of complaining and not doing anything about it.
I wanted to see results!
So when I got back from New York, I went into shooting with earnest. I've been writing reviews of gay porn sites for www.bonerguide.com. And now I'm working on my first erotic novel.
The review have been fun and although I only have about 4 under my belt, I'm getting paid for them. That helps me catch up on my balls and put a bit aside for a new computer. But it also helps keep me motivated.
Aside from the reviews, we've been editing our first DVD release, "Stray Dawgz." The first 3 segments are done and we have two more to complete. That should be done over the next week or two and then I'll get the master copy to the distributor, AMVC. I don't know how long it will take from there but the first release for Horndawg Productions will be out soon after.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can hardly contain myself!
One of the things that has made matters difficult for me has been time. If I'm not editing, like Trekkie Monster from Avenue Q, I'm surfing the internet for porn. And there's always been that part of me that's like, "You're wasting time! What the fuck are you doing?"
So I feel bad about wasting time which leads me to escape by surfing the internet for even more porn and it just compounds itself. I wind up not doing what I originally set out to do and the amount of time spent in front of the computer surfing for porn, downloading dirty pictures, chatting in rooms or communicating with the on-line friends I've made on sites such as bnskin, dudesnude, barebackrt, daddyhunt, and sometimes adam4adam, just makes me feel like shit. A big fucking loser.
Then, when I'm not on any of those sites, I'm on Yahoo chat talking dirty to the internet acquaintances I've made or just shooting the breeze.
With the realization that I'm running out of time, I was hitting critical mass point. I've been getting real down and hard on myself. And not in a good way.
Until jmgarcia on Dudes Nude.
This little guy is a hot latin beauty with an upbeat profile and what sounds like such a great personality to match. I couldn't help checking out his pics. Of course, it helped that he looked like I wanted him to be the very fruit of my loins. He's an intelligent young man and the one thing that got to me the most from his profile . . . you'll laugh, but it's true . . . is that at the age of 22, he is publishing his very first book!
Normally, when I read something like that, the green monster of envy rears it's ugly head. But I couldn't help myself this time. I was so pleased and so very happy for him that I sent him a note telling him how excited I was. Surprisingly, I got one back. I say surprising because not many hot, cute 22-year-olds reply so positively, or with nothing more than a "Thanks, pops."
This guy not only took the time to say thanks but was so enamored by the stroke to his ego that he went into a bit of detail! Telling me the name of the book, the release date, as well as how he is publishing it.
His book is called, "Tales of a Harlequin Boy." It is set to be released on 9/15/08 and is published under the name of Jose M Garcia.
I am so pleased and so proud of him. And I don't even know him or want anything from him! Well, okay. Maybe that part's not true. If he gave me a kiss I'd be happy. If he gave me a kiss AND a hug I'd be even happier still. If he game a kiss, a hug and pressed his hard little body up against mine, I'd probably come on the spot!
But I digress.
Seriously, though. As a result of stumbling across him, I started to think that maybe I wasn't exactly wasting as much time as I thought. I mean, I'm probably justifying the amount of time I spend on the internet, but, if I hadn't been surfing as I normally do, I wouldn't have seen his pic. If I hadn't seen his pic I wouldn't have clicked on it. If I hadn't clicked on his, I wouldn't have read his profile. And if I hadn't read his profile, I wouldn't have sent him the e-mail I did.
And I would not have found out about lulu.com.
The seeds of things, hell, the very GERM of thoughts I used to have came back to life quicker than you can say Frederick Frankenstein.
Following the exploration of lulu.com, except for a full work week, I devoted all my time, all of my focus and all of my energy on a project. Including one full, 3-day Labor Day weekend ignoring my partner, I probably spent a week putting together a collection of 7, gay, erotic stories. The book is called "a stroke at midnight," and I am now awaiting the very first copy to peruse and decide if I like the look of it or not. If I like it, then I will let everyone know. I will also post it here so that any of my readers who wish to buy it can simply click on the link and purchase the book.
For any of you out there who wish to be alerted as to when the book will be ready, let me know and I will put you on a mailing list. If you would rather wait, that's fine, too. I'll be posting the link here.
For any of you who are also writers and have wondered about self-publishing, you might want to check out the site: www.lulu.com.
You'll find out all you need to know about self-publishing, how they do it, how much it will cost you, and about P.O.D. (print-on-demand). It's absolutely incredible and I just know the next few months are going to be a whirlwind of activity and exciting new ventures!
Oh, yeah . . . I've also been e-baying the crap out of the CDs I no longer want to keep.
Stay tuned! And as always, thanks for reading.
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